walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
