I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
