I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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