turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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