He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
