i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
