part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Hippo gnu deer
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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