My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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