Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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