I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
