its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
pray to the hookup gods
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
