had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
