you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
