i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
