So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
