i would punch a child for taco bell
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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