oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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