My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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