new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
