I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
