thus making me awesome and them whores
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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