he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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