Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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