i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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