I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
