There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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