She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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