I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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