at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
