you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm having to shit out rocks
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
