I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
