I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
