we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
i think i just lost a toe
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