We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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