I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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