According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
