she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
