No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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