Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
