Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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