Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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