I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
