I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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