we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
