I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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