I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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