So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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