just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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