just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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