Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
