This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
